Monday, April 29, 2013

5 months

Five months ago today my little boy left this earth.  Maybe that's why today is so hard.  Sometimes I feel like I need to say I hate my life, even though I don't hate it in general.  I hate that life has to go on without my Noah.  Geez, I miss that boy so much!!  The pain is just so suffocating sometimes.

There's a song by Laura Story that I've loved for a while.  It has more meaning for me now.  Here are my favorite lyrics of the song:

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

I just love it so much.  I love how music is healing.  I realized a few weeks ago that when I worship, sing praises to God, Noah is also singing to the same God, only in Heaven. Not only am I connected to Noah in the fact that he is a part of me, but I'm also connected to him through our Heavenly Father.  When I start to see the images of finding Noah that morning five months ago I try really, really hard to picture him in Heaven instead.  I know I've talked about this before.  To be honest, it is getting easier to do that.  Some days are easier than others.   I'm thankful for those answered prayers.

This weekend, about 50 of my friends and my aunt walked in the March for Babies in honor of Noah. We raised $2,309! Southwest Washington and Oregon together raised over $1 million! I was scared that the day was going to be really hard for me.  We have walked with Noah several times before in the March for Babies.  Having such a great group of friends for support was truly a blessing to us.  I love our church family.  Doing good things helps heal the heart.  I am sure Noah is proud of us.


Julie said...

Jenny...I love your heart for God expressed in this post...that you have connected worship as a comfort in your grief process, recognizing that as you sing praises to Jesus, so is Noah. This connects you in a very intimate and real way to your Noah. Thank you for the reminder that God is with us and for us, in our grief, in our heartache and desperate longing for our babies. How grateful we can be for the hope we have in eternity.
Love to you, dear girl

Tiffany Hebb said...

Jenny, Sending love from one broken heart to another. Hoping you may be lifted up in Jesus Christ and his love may continue to heal your heart. (((HUGS)))