Wednesday, June 26, 2013


Please take a moment to sign the petition for the Oklahoma City medical examiners to take action in decreasing the amount of time it takes to get results back to grieving families. We have waited 7 months now and they're still telling us to wait! The beginning time frame was 4-6 months. They need to increase funding so they can hire more examiners. They're excuse to me is that they have an increased case load. It is really not fair to us to have to wait this long!!

Thank you for your support!!

Monday, June 17, 2013


Life when someone you love so much leaves this earth becomes empty. Not only do I feel empty inside but a lot of things around me are empty.
An empty chair at the dinner table where Noah sat. 

Empty shoes that he will never wear. 

An empty bed where no more bedtime stories are read, no more prayers together at night, no more saying "good morning Noah, time to get up for school." 

Empty spot next to his brother. 

My empty hand where his hand used to be. 
Empty seat in the car. 
Empty arms waiting for his hug.


Sometimes when I'm in a crowd, with friends, or even just by myself I want to yell, "I MISS NOAH!!!" I HATE feeling empty. Yes, I know that I'm filled with the love of my family and friends and God. It's just the way I feel right now. This feeling is so suffocating sometimes and I don't know what to do. Why does my life have to be like this??? For what purpose GOD? God, I need your strength. Your comfort. Your peace. 

Friday, June 14, 2013


Did you know there are more psalms of complaint in the Bible than there are of thanksgiving? Complaints are being honest with God. Complaining to God about how I feel and how I think death really sucks, allows me to be open to His comfort. He is not shocked by our despair. Even though the pain is so suffocating sometimes that I can't see past the fog that is my grief, I know that there is an end to this suffering. Death is defeated in Christ. I know where I'm going when I die, Heaven. That is where my son is. When I get there, all of the pain and tears of his death will be wiped away. While I wait for that day, I will weep with hope.

One night this week I was crying in bed and asking God for a glimpse of Noah in Heaven. I thought that if I just thought about Noah while I went to sleep I would see him in my dreams. A few hours of sleep later, I was suddenly awaked by the sound of Theo giggling. He had been sleeping in my room because my family had been visiting. He was just giggling in his sleep, like he was dreaming. Steven was away on a business trip. The next morning I received a text from Steven that said he had a dream about Noah. He was sifting through his closet and found him the back. He started to tickle Noah and he giggled. Steven said he woke up laughing. Maybe they had the same dream?? I'm not making this story up, folks, it's all true. I honestly believe God gave us yet another glimpse of Heaven.

This was from our trip to the beach last week with my family. I just thought it was a neat photo.  Theo's drawing in the sand next to Noah's name looked like a heart.