Hope

I wish I could come up with the words to express the pain of losing a child, just so you could know the power of God's peace and comfort in a time of darkness. Sometimes the image of finding his little body without his soul floods through my mind and I feel like the room is spinning. Everything else fades and I'm in a far away place. A dark place. Soon after that the image of Noah in Heaven that I had in my dream comes to my mind. I hold on to that for dear life.

I've never experienced His presence like I have since Noah left. God really does show himself when we need Him most. He is always there, but when there is absolutely no where else for us to turn, he gives his light of Hope. I like how He reveals himself through my family and friends. Friends who promised to walk down this road with me, pray for us, remind me that every day here is a day closer to Heaven, and friends who tell me that this just plain sucks. Also, my little Theo running through the halls at church telling everyone that God helps us, something he learned in Sunday School. Prayer is what allows me to have peace throughout the day. I know when someone is praying for me. That may sound crazy to some, but it's my truth.

To me, grief isn't something you get over, it's something you get through. I'll have to move through this life on earth without Noah. That was not my plan, and it really sucks, but it is what it is. I'm going to hold on his memory and cherish the joy that he brought to our lives. Eight months ago today was the last time I hugged my pal. Ugh, I so wish I could just hug him again and never let go. Someday. That's what hope is all about. Hope that I will see him again, along with my Savior. Hope that one day on this earth the joy of Noah will come first to my mind instead of the constant reminder that he's not here with me.

One of my favorite pictures of him at the beach. 

He loved to look at maps and pretend to tell me where to go. Well,  I don't think he was pretending. I miss those brown eyes.