Dear God,

I'm still here. Still aching, longing, sad, bitter, angry, lonely. I'm lonely because Noah was a big part of my world and I feel lost without him. I miss his smile, his stories, his questions, his hugs. I feel like nothing will ever be the same God. I don't understand. I do understand that your ways are higher than mine. I just want things to be different. I want life to be the way it was before Noah died. Life can't be, though. So, please God, I need your help. Hear my prayer. Give me joy. Joy that only you can give. Even though I feel all of these stupid unfair feelings of bitterness and sadness, I'm still thankful for your LOVE. I'm thankful for the JOY that comes from Theo. He makes me laugh. I'm thankful for my husband who loves me and our little family. I'm thankful for a few friends who are always there to listen to me talk about Noah and who aren't afraid to talk to me. I'm thankful for a family that supports us. I'm thankful that you have Noah and that he is safe. Please tell him that I love him. Please use his life to bring glory to You. In Jesus' name, Amen.

My sweet boy. I love you. See you later alligator. 

This is from last Easter. I like how Noah is holding his brother's hand. It won't be the same this year without him.

I'm glad that I took this picture. His name in his own writing.