"Good grief!" says Charlie Brown in exasperation. I could say the same thing, Charlie. I get frustrated about a lot of things, easily. I could also say that grief is good. Wait, what? How can grief be good? Well, if I didn't have my grief, it would mean that I didn't miss Noah. I miss Noah because I love him SO much and he is not here with me. I went to MN last Wednesday to be with family during the service for Alex. The first thing I said to Amy was, "I wish I could take your pain away." Her reply, "but that would mean that Alex would not have been here." She is absolutely right. That doesn't mean that we want this pain or that we want Alex and Noah where they are. Of course we would rather them be here. But, God gave me Noah for a short period of time. I'd rather have him for that time than not at all. Sometimes I feel my sadness slipping away and I just want to yell, "No! You get back here!" To me, my grief means that I had one of the greatest gifts God could ever give me. I don't want my sadness to go away because it reminds me that he was here, he had a great life. A life of purpose.
Knowing where Noah is gives me great comfort, but it doesn't make me feel any less sad. I don't want to be rushed through the pain. The grief can't sit on a shelf somewhere waiting to just disappear. I want to face it so my heart can heal. I do want to be restored, someday. I will be still and know that he is God. (Psalm 46:10.)