Theo's question made me think about the last time I was truly happy. I don't remember an exact day, more of a season - last fall. I have pictures to prove it. No pictures of me, of course. I'm usually behind the camera.
|Best friends. Look how happy they are. Theo wouldn't go down the slide unless Noah did. Theo has become a lot more brave since then. I'm sure he would go down it now.|
|This, this is my happy moment.|
|My buddy. Even he was truly happy on this day. It took a long time for him to smile at the camera like this again.|
|My silly boy. I love him so.|
I often wonder if I will ever be truly, completely happy again. Is there anyone who feels that way, though? Aren't we always wanting more? Why can't we just be content with God? Why do I have to be bitter about this bumpy, twisty-turny road that I'm on? You know, this road leads to somewhere. Heaven. I suppose that is what hope and joy are all about. Sure, I can be depressed and in despair because my Noah is gone from me. I can be mad and angry that I can't hug him or hear him laugh. Or, I can choose to remember his laugh and his hugs. I can choose to be thankful that I got to experience that for almost 6 happy years. I could have not known him at all. I can choose to focus on the hope of Heaven and someday, maybe I'll be happy again. After all, this is only a shadow of our real life. An eternal life in the presence of God is my future reality. Noah is still my son, and he always, always will be.