Friday, December 21, 2012

Heaven

It has been four years since I've updated this blog, but I feel I owe it to Noah to write more about his story.
Matthew 19:14 Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”

Three weeks and one day ago, November 29th, 2012, our son Noah John went to sleep on earth and woke up in the presence of Jesus. It is very painful to type those words and admit that I will no longer look into those beautiful brown eyes for as long as I am here on earth. We do not know why he didn't wake up, yet. We won't know for a few more months.

If I could write a letter to my Noah, here's a bit of what I would say:

My joyful and sweet son,

Always always remember this; Mommy will love you forever. When I say forever, I mean even in Heaven when I will see your face again. You brought, and will always bring, me great joy. You touched SO many lives while you were here for 5 short years. Mom, Dad, Theo, Grandma, Grandpa, aunts, uncles, and LOTS of friends miss you so much. We all wish we could see just how much fun you are having in Heaven. What is Jesus like? What are you doing? Are you telling your quacker box joke? Are you drawing pictures? I have kept all of your drawings you made for me and will cherish them forever. My favorite one is the card you made me a couple of months ago when I was sick. You wrote "I love you Mom" and "have a happy day!" It's hanging on the refrigerator and I see it every day. I will try to have a happy day, just thinking about how happy you made me.

Some things I will remember about you:
The sound you of you saying, "mommy!" when I walked in the door, followed by a great big hug.

Your jokes and carefree spirit.

Your love for babies and other kids. You were a great friend to your peers.

Your love to draw and create things.

Your love to pray. You always prayed for others.

Your creative imagination. You were happy to play with anything.

There are many things that I will remember about you. I will continue to write them down so I can look back on them and never forget.

I love you so much my son, Mommy

I have good days and bad days. I know it has only been 3 weeks. Sometimes I just ask, God, "why?" Why did He think that we could handle this? Why did he save our son when he was born, after the doctors told us he would not live, just to take him away 5 years later? I will continue to ask why and hopefully receive some peace about it. Those 5 years that God gave us were full of love and so much joy because of Noah. If God could only give us 5 years, I will be thankful for those. I will continue to seek joy. This doesn't mean I will not be sad. My pastor said it best when he said, "Joy is not the absence of pain, it is the presence of God." Anne Graham Lotz says, "God is bigger than our suffering. We can have HOPE as we place our trust in Him-in His faithfulness and in His ability to work out in our lives His purposes that will be for our ultimate good and His eternal glory." I will hold on to this hope.

5 comments:

Uncle Joe said...

Jenny,
You are one of the most incredible women I have ever known. All your life I've known you, your love, compassion, your tender heart is such an inspiration. Noah was and continues to be such a miracle from God who brought many of us closer to Him through our prayers, not only because of Him and from Him, but through you and Steven. Noah was such a kind and sweet spirit, not only because of God, but greatly in part because God chose you and Steven to be his parents. God sees in you what it takes to be the parents of two of his most precious creations in Noah and Theo! He also new that you would continue to make Noah an inspiration and blessing to MANY others, I could only hope and pray to be as blessed by Gods confidence in you. You and your family continue to inspire me!

I Love You Always!

Your Big Brother,
Jody

The Mrs. said...

This is beautiful!!! Love ya!

ann said...

Jenny this is a beautiful letter. Noah is probably reading this letter to him in heaven and smiling. As Joe said you are an inspiration. This letter will be read over and over again. It is a wonderful love letter from a beautiful Mom to her wonderful son.

Tom Merilatt said...

Beautiful words Jenny. Thank you for sharing Noah with us. I look forward as I know you and Steven do to seeing him again one day in heaven.

Tom Merilatt said...

Beautiful words Jenny. Thank you for sharing Noah with us. I look forward as I know you and Steven do to seeing him again one day in heaven.